Get to Know your Blake Stockdales

I feel like expressing myself, but the idea of concocting a full fleged paragraph form blog post sounds insermountabally difficult. Thus I am going to spew thoughts and opinions at you in list form. Many of my loyal readers (of which their are none). May recognize a similarity between this segment and my old lists of the tennants of short-lived personal philosophy Neo-Futurims. However, I was forced to more-or-less abandon this philosophy because I now disagree with many of its tennants which I created (primarily my endorsment of methanphedimenes) and the fact that the name of neo-futurism has been co-opted by those bastards from "To Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind". Handing me a nametag with the word coatrack on it does not make you a genius or a broadway star!

Anywho, here they are...

1. The Simpsons Movie should have been made in 1994 and written by Conan O'Brian
2. Someone should explain to me how to watch movies on-line on netflix.com, I can't possibly be bothered to figure it out on my own
3. All that is new age is wrong
4. Hardcore Holly needs to revert back to the gimmick in which he claims to weigh well over 400 pounds, upon doing so he should be moved to the top of the card.
5. C.S. Lewis should return from the grave and right an 8th cronicle of Narnia book in which I go to Narnia and am somehow transformed into some sort of bizzare talking water rat thats saves the day with quick thinking and handy sword-work
6. Shannon should be commended for hanging up our ornatly framed protrait of an unknown minor leauge hockey player
7. Barbra Walters should host a very special episode of the view where she announces that she has been diagnosed with terminal chick cancer
8. People should start listening to my rants instead of just nodding and saying "whatever you say Blae"
9. Sean Penn is still an asshole
10. The same goes for you Bonno
11. I need to stop having so much regular contact with smug/self-important people
12. I miss my nephew Charlie
13. My appartment gets messy entirely too quickly
14. I really don't care if Michael Vick likes dog fighting, I know I'm supposed to care, I don't
15. I also really don't care if peole enjoy bullfighting, cockfighting, bearbeating, or any other form of beast-on-beast combat
16. my foot hurts
17. Sun Chips are currently 2 for $3.50 at your local target
18. "She reminds me of my mom... but like... in a bad way." Is one of the best insults I have heard in quite some time.
19. I really should go see Superbad
20. Don't Mess with Texas
21. I would like to own the complete series of Andy Richter Controls the Universe on DVD, this need not only be a dream
22. I think I legitamitly like Cactus Jack's entrance music
23. I need to find a kareoke machine that will allow me to sing the theme song from Americas Funniest Home Videos
24. All children who are under 15 years old are now ... 15 years old
25. There are no stupid questions, only stupid people, who ask questions
26. Democracy is in the streets
27. In comparing my recent obsession with the WWF I can't tell if it is more or less nerdy and or useless than more former obsession with X-Men comics
28. I'm done now

Russian History called "Too Depressing", rewritten

After recieveing critisizm for their new boldly inaccurate and uncomprehensive new history books the Russian government has replied with a surprisingly honest defense. Rather than spouting such typical responses shuch as, "everyone sees history differently" or "we are doing the best we can with spotty information" or "shut up and drink some more" the Russian government has taken a different approach. They claim that certain historical facts needed to be altered or omitted because otherwise Russian history was "just too depressing".

I would really like to get my hands on one of these textbooks to see just how far the alterations and omitions go. Do they change Ivan the Terrible from a monster who had petty criminals burned alive and caved in his own sons skull with his septer into Ivan the Awesome who built Russias first candy factory and changed the national currency to politeness? We they claim that during the siege of Lenningrad rather than starving for 3 years everyone was feasting day and night on a delicious form of frozen yogert that tastes exactly like whatever your favorite food is? Or will they simply say that Joseph Stalin was mearly a fictionalized character played by Hollywood legend Boris Karloff?

On the other hand I can see why they would want to change their history slightly.
A basic history of Russia reads as follows:
Founding of an empire, Utterly slaughtered by the mongolian hoard, slowly regain control of their country, hundreds of years of serfdom, invaded by france, much more serfdom, find themselves completely by all the industrialized nations of the world, World War I, bloody communist Revolution, years of communist dictatorship, World War II, years of communist dictatorship, long bloody war with Afganistan, more dictatorship, than the acceptance of capitalism, and an economic collapse. And throughout that history they were able to produce some of the worlds most brilliant and depressing alcoholic authors, and several rock bands bad enough to mae Poison look talented.

Thus its small wonder that Russia should wish to alter its history. But it does make me happy to live in America. A country that at least has the decency to pretend that its teaching its children the truth.