I totally wrote a horroscope in the Onion

I like many of you, possibly if you exist, enjoy reading national published free newspaper "The Onion". Over the years one of my favorite secions has always been the fake horroscopes. And during the time that I have enjoyed the Onion I have sometimes found the oppurtunity to write my own fake horroscopes. This was done mostly to kill time at unpleasent times such as class, home, family functions, at pretty much anywhere in life in general. Actually this may be overstating it a bit. This makes it sound like I wrote thousands of them. In fact I wrote them for a little while in high school and wrote maybe between 20 and 40 of them. I probobly wrote that many over a brief period in college as well.

While this is all very uninteresting for you am sure, I am going somewhere with this. The other day I read a horroscope that I am positive I wrote, word for word. I very distinctly remember writing it, and sharing it with others.

The horroscope in question reads thusly:
"Libra: Try as you might you will be unable to improve your mediocre putting game. Gee, some big fucking problems you got asshole."

No I can think of only 3 possibilities.
1. I shared this with someone either in high school or in college and they now work for The Onion and wrote this line.
2. I posted several of my horroscopes on the internet and someone saw this one and put it in The Onion.
3. It's a total coincidence.

I do wonder.

Royal Rumble 1996 Got It All Wrong

As many, and by many I mean hardly any, of you know I have been netflixing royal rumbles of late. I am watching them in order and am now up to 1996. This rumble went against the basic trend of having the rumble be the last event of the night. This royal rumble put a title match between Brett Hart and the Undertaker after the main event. This was a horrible decision for two reasons. For one this was an absolutely awesome royal rumble and would clearly be the main event regaurdless of what you put up next to it. Thus what was a very exciting well preformed title match seemed anti-climactic after the royal rumble. And you finish the viewing experience feeling unsatisfied and barely able to remember that sweet-ass royal rumble you saw 40 minutes ago.

Now I realize that very few people watch a lot of royal rumbles, especially ones that occured over 10 years ago. Thus making this a "don't you hate it when your lazy butler washes your sock-gaurders and they're still covered in schmutz" type of argument. However I am sure that there are at least 2 or 3 other people in the world that feel the exact same way I do. So if you meet one of them please direct them here.

Anyway the bottom line is this, "Listen up WWF promotional team from 11 years ago! When you are going to schedule a Royal Rumble you need to make the Rumble itself the main event, no matter how great you think the title match you have schedueled is going to be!"

I've said my piece.

Don't Call It A Comeback

Although my mother has not instructed me to knock you out (lucky for you) I, like LL Cool J before me, am back. In the time since posting I have graduated from college, moved to St. Paul, eaten several dozen sandwhiches and gotten a new job. While you can obviously tell that I have been busy it would be quite dobious of me to claim that I have not had a free moment to post on this blog in the past 7 months. Have I not spent countless hours watching Royal Rumbles, studying anomolics on wikipedia, killing wild donkeys, and occasionally sleeping 12 hours a day? The answer is yes I have, except for the killing wild donkeys part. So why have I not been posting? The answer is that I simply no longer enjoyed posting here. My blog gradually shifted from a method of sharing observations and relating mildly interesting stories and opinions on things that interested me into a boarderline obsesive compulsive rating and reviewing of every form of media that crossed my eyes or ears in a given week. Therefore there will be a slight retooling of the sight. I will now review only those things that I rate as significant (your Die Hard 4s and your Transformers) and not the average hum drum movies I was never that excited about and just watched to kill time (you'r fantastic four the rise of the silver surfers).
To put another way I will now be posting about the things I want to post about, rather than feel obligated to post about everything or nothing at all.

At the hight of my blogs popularity I believe it had between 6 and 8 regular readers. I can assume that I have lost roghly 100% of them and am now left with none. That is fine, this blog started out as nothing, than over the years progressed to "slightly more than nothing", and than quickly back down to nothing. I now begin the slow arduous task of building it back up to "slightly more than nothing".

And who knows, perhaps with constant vigilance, and the support of readers such as yourself, maybe one day this blog will reach the rank of "barely anything."